You died in a haunted forest during a repeat of the Korean War (pt. 1)

One second you were walking and then you were just on the ground. No one understood it and no one wanted to understand it because they were too busy trying to get the fuck out of there.

A kid actually stepped on your body, just by accident, because he was clumsy as hell and the fear didn't help that. You weren't quite dead yet and you made a sound that made everyone turn back for a moment. Long enough to see if they were next. You were face down in shallow puddle of green water and there were bubbles, but no one wanted to stop for you. Could you blame them? Well, don't worry, you'll have plenty of time for that.

* * *

You were all away from the gunfire. There were no bullets. But you all seemed to be heading towards the bullets, and whose idea was that anyway? That fat lesbian that had an agenda to piss everyone around. That fat lesbian mother of five. What was her deal? She'd told you she didn't deserve to be there, she deserved it less than anyone else, and that god would guide her along the chosen path. And you were like Really? Because it would seem right now that god is guiding us to where ever those oriental fuckfaces have the bullets and are using them. And lord knows you weren't prejudice, but come on, after you've been thrown into a war as a result of the train on the Universal Studios tour taking an apparent detour, well the way you saw it, basically anyone from then on was an oriental fuckface to you.

* * *

This oriental fuckface up in front of you wouldn't shut up the whole time. He was scrawny and pale and he was from Kenosha Wisconsin and he was kind of like that kid from Jurassic Park except many orders of magnitude more a pain in the ass. Instead of asking lots of stupid ass questions about dinosaurs, this oriental fuckface would whinge about his momma's cheesecake all day long like he was gonna fucking marry it. He even wrote a song about that precious little cheesecake and from what you could recall it went something like this:

O-Oh Cheesecake cheesecake (oh-wohh-wohh)

My momma's cheesecake cheesecake (oh-wohh-wohh)

It was the first one

It was a special one

Golden like my sisters hair
She'd never go to college

O-Oh Cheesecake cheesecake etc.

Even in death you heard it non-stop and you couldn't shut it off and the other spirits were telling you how it had become your revenge song, and that you could only rest peacefully if you sought revenge on that little o.f.f. You told them that in case they hadn't noticed, you weren't even Korean and that you didn't give a shit about revenge plots, haunting the fuck out of Syngman Rhee, or killing the Japs at Starcraft, and they said too bad because in case you hadn't noticed, you died in their haunted forest and soon you would know what it was to have to listen to the squabbling of their many fish wives for an endless eternity. And you were like, alright. Beats the squabbling of a little o.f.f. that's for sure.