You weren't exactly Lester Bangs material, but people still got a kick out of what you did. It wasn't until that smash and grab at the animal pharmaceuticals factory that things started to go downhill for you.
They found you curled up on your desk with some blood and broken vials scattered around you. What they initally thought was a suicide note turned out to be the last thing you'd ever have published. It was a review for an album you had not bothered to name. So they used it to fill out some Bozo Dog Band retrospective and people still lapped it up:
TRACK ONE IS TOPS ITS THE BEST SHIT EVER
TRACK TWO IS OK BUT I DONT REMEMBER [unreadable] UNDER THE BLEACHERS AND THEY CALL HIM WALLY WANK-OFF FOR A REASON
TRACK THREE IS DOUBLE TIMES BETTER ENGLISH THAN TRACK ONE I MEAN IT HAS THIS SOUND IN IT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A RIP OFF OF (DON'T SAY THE BEACH BOYS -- edit) BUT SHIT HOW MNAY POP BANDS CAN EVER HEARD OF HIM I DONT HAVE TIME FOR GRAMMMAR NOW LADY
TRACK FOUR I FORGET PROBABBYL GOOD
TRACK FIVE WAS SOMETHIGN ABOUT BOATS OR HOW THE GIRL SINGING HAS A NICE [unreadable] WUTH THE HAND CREAMS WE GET THEES DAYS WHO NEED ASTRONAUTS
TRACK SIX WAS ABOUT LOSING A DOG OR AT LEAST ONE OF THE SONGS ARE ABOUT THAT
TRACK SEVEN IS ABOUT LOVE OR ROMANCE
TRACK EIGHT IS ALSO ABOUT LOVE OR DOGS OR GUITARDOGS
TRACK NINE IS ABOUT MY PROBLEMS WITH WOMEN
TRACK TEN IS ABOUT A BOAT ON THE QUARRY AND PIRATES THERE ARE PIRATES DEFINENTLY MENTIONED SOMEWHERE ON THIS CD
TRACK ELEVEN IS ABOUT MURDER IN THE SOUTH EAST BUT THE MAIN THING ABOUT KILLING A MAN IS [unreadable] THEY EVER TRACE IT BACK ALL THEY'LL HAVE ON YOU IS THAT BAG OF COMPOST
TRACK TWELVE IS CALLED [unreadable] I THINK ITS ABOUT WOLVES WITH TEETH MADE FROM THOSE PENCILS YOU GET WHEN YOU PLAY KENO
TRACK THIRTEEN NOT SURE IF THERE IS A TRACK THIRTEEN BUT IT MIGHT BE THE WOLF ONE REPRISED AS "EIN DOG FROM STATIONWAGONMEISTER" WHO KNOWS ITS A TRUE UNSOLVED CRIME IF YOU CHOOSE TO DISCUSS THE SHIT WITH ME.
TRACK TWO IS OK BUT I DONT REMEMBER [unreadable] UNDER THE BLEACHERS AND THEY CALL HIM WALLY WANK-OFF FOR A REASON
TRACK THREE IS DOUBLE TIMES BETTER ENGLISH THAN TRACK ONE I MEAN IT HAS THIS SOUND IN IT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A RIP OFF OF (DON'T SAY THE BEACH BOYS -- edit) BUT SHIT HOW MNAY POP BANDS CAN EVER HEARD OF HIM I DONT HAVE TIME FOR GRAMMMAR NOW LADY
TRACK FOUR I FORGET PROBABBYL GOOD
TRACK FIVE WAS SOMETHIGN ABOUT BOATS OR HOW THE GIRL SINGING HAS A NICE [unreadable] WUTH THE HAND CREAMS WE GET THEES DAYS WHO NEED ASTRONAUTS
TRACK SIX WAS ABOUT LOSING A DOG OR AT LEAST ONE OF THE SONGS ARE ABOUT THAT
TRACK SEVEN IS ABOUT LOVE OR ROMANCE
TRACK EIGHT IS ALSO ABOUT LOVE OR DOGS OR GUITARDOGS
TRACK NINE IS ABOUT MY PROBLEMS WITH WOMEN
TRACK TEN IS ABOUT A BOAT ON THE QUARRY AND PIRATES THERE ARE PIRATES DEFINENTLY MENTIONED SOMEWHERE ON THIS CD
TRACK ELEVEN IS ABOUT MURDER IN THE SOUTH EAST BUT THE MAIN THING ABOUT KILLING A MAN IS [unreadable] THEY EVER TRACE IT BACK ALL THEY'LL HAVE ON YOU IS THAT BAG OF COMPOST
TRACK TWELVE IS CALLED [unreadable] I THINK ITS ABOUT WOLVES WITH TEETH MADE FROM THOSE PENCILS YOU GET WHEN YOU PLAY KENO
TRACK THIRTEEN NOT SURE IF THERE IS A TRACK THIRTEEN BUT IT MIGHT BE THE WOLF ONE REPRISED AS "EIN DOG FROM STATIONWAGONMEISTER" WHO KNOWS ITS A TRUE UNSOLVED CRIME IF YOU CHOOSE TO DISCUSS THE SHIT WITH ME.
